Everywhere you look these days, there is a new celebrity lifestyle site popping up on the Internet. When you see it linked in their Instagram bios, if reading bios is your thing — I don’t know your life(!), maybe you’ll scoff in realization that most of these celebs did not go to journalism school. And hopefully, it won’t come as too much of a shock when I tell you they probably have a kick-ass team of ghost writers copy writing their butts off. Because you’ll never convince me that Blake Lively knows what the word arbiter means, let alone properly use it in a sentence. Nice try, Blake. But there’s one thing they have in their favor — truly extraordinary (and entertaining) lives. Which is precisely what sends us curious little creatures to their specific corners of the internet, desperate for guidance.
On a fundamental level, we want to know what the hell they are eating to make their skin so FLAWLESS, what brands are their favorites, and if there’s any particular exercise we should be doing to get our bunz high and tight. At least that’s why I peruse these side hustle gigs AKA lifestyle sites.
But it’s impossible for a girl to read them all, no matter how
miserable tempting that might sound. So you must choose which celebrity lifestyle site fits just right for you.
Let’s compare them. And just for gigs, I included my own personal version of the Myers-Briggs personality test to assist in the decision-making process. You. Are.Welcome.
Blake Lively’s Gossip Girl days are seriously behind her. Preserve is all about showcasing the “stories and creations of artisans.” It’s basically an assortment of what Blake and her team consider to be the greatest aspects of life.
Rather than letting the most wonderful experiences in her life pass her by and become merely memories, she is choosing to take highly filtered photographs of exceptionally on-trend flower beards.
She’s all about the artisans. Except when you go to shop the story and, confusingly, the only items that pop up are from Blake’s new clothing line.
Prepare to leave hungry as many of her stories revolve around YUM food stuffs that you can shop if you’d like to spend $40 on an Artisan Salt Collection, or $110 on a butcher’s apron.
Personality Type – HYPT: Hipsters that value local, non-GMO, artisan, hand-crafted, fair-trade, vegan cauliflower crusts on their pizzas, and don’t mind a slew of uncoordinated typefaces that are visually abrasive to look at. Also, those that would like to emulate Blake’s style but have nowhere near the funds in their this-is-my-first-job-out-of-college-I-can’t-even-afford-ramen bank account.
According to the world of Reese Witherspoon, everything should be pretty, please.
Draper James (and the local, non-GMO, hand-crafted, fair-trade, artisan chocolate bar I just ate) is so sweet that it’s given me a toothache.
This insanely adorable lifestyle site offers up something that all the others lack: a good dose of
reality southern charm. You all know by now how I feel about southern charm, so I almost don’t even need to say that Draper James is by far my favorite of this lifestyle round up. Built upon the themes of grace and southern style, Draper James offers a special glimpse into Dixie-living and what it means to be a polite and kind human being.
I’m waiting for a version of Mindy Kaling’s Wreath Witherspoon to go on sale so I can snatch one up for Christmas.
Personality Type – ME: ME! I find Draper James the most authentic and lovely of the bunch, so I volunteer my personality type as tribute. You’ll love DJ if you were born in New York, but your heart (not your cynical personality or world views) belongs in the south.
Is there anything Gwyneth Paltrow can’t do (besides relate to middle/lower class American women in any way, shape or form)? Goop was launched to give Gwyn a “place to organize her unbiased travel recs, health-centric recipes and shopping discoveries for friends.” And those that have thousands to drop on a pair of ergonomic, bunion-baring flip-flops are happy she did.
This site is definitely ahead of the curve when it comes to health-conscious foods, i.e. foods no one on this God green earth would look forward to or enjoy eating. What’s even better is there are real experts weighing in, so you know it’s
got tonz of paid sponsors legit. Why do fermented foods matter? Poop Goop will tell ya.
Personality Type – YATR: Any woman in California that vies to land her first big movie role but will begrudgingly settle for a recurring guest spot on Young and the Restless.
Lauren Conrad, or LC if you’d like to make Lauren’s shit list, pretty much nailed down her following when she called Spencer Pratt a “sucky person” on The Hills. The show went off the air in 2010, and LC called it quits a few seasons before then, but somehow she’s managed to maintain her following, despite the fact that her site desperately needs a redesign. The bows! The ribbon! My
C’mon LC, the bows? The ribbons? My freak-ing eyes!
If you’re into lace, bows, and feeling like maybe LC has no business giving you any sort of advice about your life, this one’s for you.
Personality Type – LC4E: Any young woman that followed her progression from Laguna Beach to The Hills, while taking The City on as a side piece. So, essentially, me again.
I really hope this served as an adequate guide to choosing the celebrity lifestyle site that’s best for you.